The Guardian today is featuring a story by Kira Cochrane about the waning popularity of beauty pageants. Hell, "Miss America" was confined to the Country Music Channel and "Miss USA" tanked in the ratings. But what's interesting to Cochrane isn't that feminism has won out and women no longer want to compete in an orgy of flesh; she thinks the reason beauty pageants are waning is that the contestants themselves can't live up to the moral standards set for the contestants (no drinking, sex, etc.). It's an interesting theory, and setting "moral standards" for people who are judged by how well they fill out a bikini certainly defies logic, but I don't think the ratings for these shows have plummeted because of moral indiscretions. First off, the moral lapses have followed the airing of the pageants. The poor ratings happened before the so-called poor judgment (having consensual adult sex is poor judgment but subjecting oneself to a meat market isn't?). In fact, the indiscretions of the women mentioned in the Guardian article (drinking, drugs, racism, sex, pregnancy, and, heh, making out with fellow contestants) have received tons of mainstream interest. I daresay Donald Trump has been delighted by the attention heaped upon his otherwise ridiculous contest (that and it gives him more opportunities to plug "The Apprentice"). I think the reason beauty pageants are failing has nothing to do with the impossible task of staying pure in a camera-phone-equipped world. In fact, an added dose of scandal is just what those cattle calls needed to spice things up. Pageants are failing because in this day and age they are old-fashioned, corny, and just aren't that lurid or interesting. Why watch Miss USA try to sing Cole Porter, answer questions about world peace, or stare into the camera with a frozen smile whilst wearing a bikini and a spray-on tan when there's On-Demand, a zillion cable channels, and better talent on "American Idol"? Whether you want sex, talk, or talent, you've got better options. But Cochrane is right about one thing: The demise of the pageant, sadly, has nothing to do with feminism. --Sacha Zimmerman