Who's the least virtuous first daughter?

For a long time, it seemed as if Jenna Bush's public image was pretty much summed up by her work on the club circuit. Back in 2005, the New York Post made mention of a party that included "Jenna on all fours doing 'the butt dance' ... as guys were ogling her thong." If the First Twin's choice of recreational activities wasn't entirely bad--for instance, the Post's source gave Jenna credit for "doing [the butt dance] very well"--then neither was it entirely good. By contrast, Chelsea Clinton learned the hard way about what can come of impromptu displays of thong and, so far, has covered her rear. It's no surprise that her Poise Count--the number of LexisNexis articles resulting from the word "poise" paired with her name--clocks in at 770, while Jenna trails at 144. Chelsea was the accomplished Stanford graduate living a quiet life in New York, while Jenna was the not-so-accomplished University of Texas graduate living a loud life in--well, wherever she happened to go drinking.The butt dance, however, turned out to be the end of an era for Jenna. Shortly after the Post story, she began teaching at a public elementary school in Washington, D.C. She got engaged to a young conservative named Henry Hager, a former aide to Karl Rove. And she took a job as an intern for unicef and wrote a book called Ana's Story, a nicely rendered nonfiction account of the life of a 17-year-old Central American mother living with HIV. If it's all a calculated effort to re-tune the Jenna product, it has worked on me. In fact, the closer I look, the more I like Jenna. And, I regret to say, the less I like Chelsea. These days, Jenna has an easygoing manner not just with the bartenders at Smith Point but with nearly everyone, including the mentally impaired. With Larry King, for example, she patiently fielded queries from her host such as "Why does Ana have one 'n'?" and "Why isn't the world not doing more?" (Related mystery: Why isn't King not on the air anymore? Isn't viewers getting not unsick of him?) Jenna was equally forbearing with Diane Sawyer, who seized on a mention of sex in Jenna's book and (placing the tips of her hands at her temples to illustrate bewilderment) managed to come up with, "We think, wait. Doesn't she come from an administration that believes in abstinence? Is this tricky?" No, Jenna explained, gently putting Sawyer's worries to rest, "I don't come from an administration. I'm his daughter, you know?" I should confess my Jenna-love isn't entirely faithful. When, for instance she calls her fiance "a really good guy," her wording and intonation so resemble those of her father (or Will Ferrell) that it's hard for me to forgive her. But my real complaints start with Chelsea Clinton. Blame The New York Times for planting the first unfriendly thoughts in my head. In an article published this July, the paper unkindly reminded readers that Chelsea, in the months after September 11, had written in Talk magazine that "'serving' in the broadest sense now seems like the only thing to do. ... Is banking what's important right now?" To which the Times not so gently pointed out that Chelsea's post-9/11 resume has consisted of stints as a McKinsey consultant and as an investment analyst at Avenue Capital, a hedge fund run by the nuns of Calcutta. Oh, sorry--make that Clinton donor Marc Lasry. The Times piece was a fairly bitchy slap, and, before I level any further charges myself, let me defend Chelsea for a moment. All of us were feeling generous and altruistic in the wake of 9/11 before we came to our senses, aided by time and a ruthless White House. One of my best friends worked for McKinsey (I still like him fine), and my wife once worked for a hedge fund (I still like her fine). I, too, would hope one day to be well-paid, even if this effort is going disastrously. But, still, it all seems a bit--much. Quoth the Times: "Friends say financial independence is important to Ms. Clinton; she may improve on her low- six-figure McKinsey salary by hundreds of thousands of dollars." That's quite a declaration of financial independence. And Chelsea didn't exactly spend her Oxford days tending to the world's unfortunates, either: Among the events she attended were a Versace couture show in Paris (sitting next to Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow), a ball thrown by Sir Elton John, and a film premiere with Paul McCartney. Nor did she join her British celebrity friends in visiting landmine amputees, unless the amputees happened to be holed up at Oscar de la Renta's Dominican villa. In New York, Chelsea has befriended celebrities like Tara Reid (who, to be fair, may actually qualify as a public service cause) and become a regular at establishments like Schiller's and Bungalow 8. In short, while Jenna has used her celebrity--at least in part--to help impoverished children, Chelsea has used her celebrity to get herself good tables at Nobu. And to get guest reporter gigs at swishy Interview magazine. Here's her grilling of actor Jake Gyllenhaal: clinton: I wish you were shooting on Martha's Vineyard. gyllenhaal: I remember going to your father's 51st birthday on Martha's Vineyard, where we met. Both our families are friends with the Danson- Steenburgens, and I was invited. clinton: We sat together at dinner. gyllenhaal: And we just immediately started talking. I'm going to the Vineyard next week with my mom. clinton: Your mother's such a heroine. gyllenhaal: She is. As is yours. Darling, it's been so frightfully dull at the Danson-Steenburgens without you. Now, I'm sure many readers will complain that neither Jenna nor Chelsea deserves such scrutiny. But, like it or not, they're from families that have become dynasties. Bush and Clinton aren't just names anymore; they're brands. When Jenna gets sloshed and does the butt dance while others go to war, it hurts the Bush brand. When she interns with unicef, it helps the brand. When Chelsea holds hands with her parents while the family is immersed in scandal, it helps the Clinton brand. When Chelsea talks about service and then serves herself some hedge fund megabucks, it hurts the brand. And we care about the brand, because our political hopes often rest on its success or failure. Don't get me wrong: When it's Jenna versus Chelsea for the presidency in a few years, I'll still pull the lever for the smart liberal. But I'd dearly love it if, in the meantime, Chelsea would show a little more brand awareness. It might mean missing the occasional party on Martha's Vineyard, and it might even mean doing some Jenna-like service. But it'd be worth it. Mother would be grateful, and the Danson-Steenburgens would understand. T.A. Frank is an editor at The Washington Monthly.

By T.A. Frank