Donald Trump is America’s most famous straightedge man (eat your heart out, Ian MacKaye). That normally isn’t an impediment to throwing a good ass party, but there are a number of troubling signs emerging from The Peninsula Hotel, where Trump is hanging out on election night.
Troubling sign one: A cash bar? Really? And not just a cash bar, but a really expensive cash bar? These are Madison Square Garden prices—if I pay $10 for a beer, I better see Kristaps Porzingis hit a couple of threes.
Troubling sign two: This cake is a nightmare. Is Trump merging with sad Pepe? Does he know he’s going to lose? Is this a preview of what Trump will look like, years from now, when he looks at all he’s done to rip this country apart? At the very least, they did get Donald Trump’s turkey neck exactly right.
Troubling sign three: Why is this Make America Great hat in a glass case? Is Criss Angel MCing the party?
America needs answers.