Last weekend, to small fanfare and smaller ratings, CNN debuted a new celebrity interview show,“Stroumboulopoulos.” I will spare you the squinting doubletake: The network did not somehow quietly poach George Stephanopoulos from ABC’s "Good Morning." Instead, they have opted for his near-name-twin, George Stroumboulopoulos, a popular 40-year-old Canadian broadcast star and a kind of Anderson Cooper figure for our neighbors to the north. For his first show, two out of three guests—Martin Short and Howie Mandel—were fellow Canucks who offered up testimonials about the sort of in-depth, high-quality interviews Stroumboulopoulos conducts. Presumably, future shows will have less of a worthwhile Canadian initiative vibe to them. Maybe someday Stephanopoulous will have to worry about being confused with Stroumboulopoulos, rather than vice versa. A spokesman for Stephanopoulous declined to make him available for The New Republic on the topic of being confused with Stroumboulopoulos, citing his busy schedule. CNN also declined. In anticipation of that day, however, we offer below a cheatsheet to the Georges (which doubles as a vision test, for those of you considering reading glasses).
Height
Stroumboulopoulos: 5’8”
Stephanopoulous: 5’6” or 5’7” (or, according to his wife, “6’7” in bed”)
Advantage: Stroumboulopoulos
Greekness
Stroumboulopoulos: His father is Greek, while his mother is of Egyptian and Ukranian descent.
Stephanopoulous: His Greek immigrant parents worked as a Greek orthodox priest (dad) and as the news director of the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America.
Advantage: Stephanopoulous
On-Air Accessories
Stroumboulopoulos: Two earrings (same ear), a large skull ring, and, frequently, jazzy socks.
Stephanopoulous: Tie
Advantage: Stephanopoulous
Notable Jean Jacket Moment
Stroumboulopoulos: Whilst playing “shootsies” with Tom Green (a cutoff, it should be noted)
Stephanopoulous: The War Room
Advantage: Stephanopoulous
Famous Campaign
Stroumboulopoulos: Tommy Douglas for “Greatest Canadian”
Stephanopoulous: Bill Clinton’s 1992 presidential campaign
Advantage: Stephanopoulous
Nicknames
Stroumboulopoulos: Strombo
Stephanopoulous: “Twins,” “George Step-on-top-of-us”
Advantage: Stroumboulopoulos
Famous Bald Friend
Stroumboulopoulos: Samuel L. Jackson
Stephanopoulous: James Carville
Advantage: Stroumboulopoulos
Degree of Polysyllabicness
Stroumboulopoulos: Five
Stephanopoulous: Five
Advantage: Tie
If you’re still confused, here’s a shortcut: only one of the Georges says “aboot.”