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Internet Dating a la Russe

This man wants a teen bride to share his gold and fur with

This man is looking for a wife. A woman "with no bad habits, with good external characteristics, and the presence of intellect." A woman "who knows the meaning of loyalty, fidelity, and love," a woman "without an intimate past," a woman "between the ages of 16 and 20." (You should not write, he adds, if you are "an egomaniac" or are "the illiquid assets of the marriage market.")

This man is 39, this man is lonely. This man says "my kingdom is growing but I don't have a worthy Cinderella with whom to share it."

This man then shows the community of seekers on this Russian dating site his kingdom.


Darling, I have spent all my money on gold, so we will have to consummate our marriage on this bare mattress.
I cut cakes with samurai swords. Also, I will ensure that we will have awkwardly opulent flower arrangements on the floor.
Here's my other fur coat.

Here's my other other fur coat.
All this can be yours.
In our house, we will only wear pajamas. And fur coats.
Just add candles, baby. Gold candles.

My mosaic.