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It's Back: Florida or Russia? Part Deux

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It's been a rough week, America. So to at least to give you one chuckle this week, we bring back our series: Florida or Russia

Okay, first one's easy: On September 13, a young man on a motorcycle took a ride around a subway platform. In the days following his stunt, he gave interviews to various news outlets, wearing his helmet as a disguise. What gave him away? The rare make of his bike.

Florida or Russia?

2. A driver trying to parallel park in a tight spot accidentally rode up on the curb, knocked over a street sign, and scratched the other cars as his SUV rode up on a nearby building's steps and tipped over on its side. The only thing that stopped the car from flipping onto its roof was another car. The driver was not injured, according to local reports. "Not only that, but he was able to climb out of the car on his own, after which he simply walked off."

Florida or Russia?

3. A lover scorned decided to torch his ex-lady's business. In the process, he was himself severely burned and eventually died of his injuries. 

Florida or Russia?

4. A professor at a local university was arrested last week for trying to put a secret camera down a female student's shirt and between her thighs. According to the police, the professor "admitted the camera pen was his, but insisted he was using it to prove a woman wasn't wearing any undergarments."

Florida or Russia? 

5. Horrified by the moral degradation of his fellow citizens, a local lawmaker introduced a bill that would tax divorces. The taxes would be so high—about a month's worth of the average person's salary—that they would, ideally, dissuade people from rushing into and out of holy matrimony. "The reason is clear," said the lawmaker. "You should switch on your brain when registering a marriage, otherwise you’d have to pay more for ending it."

Florida or Russia?

6. Scientists at a federal biotech research center have discovered magic mushrooms. These may not make you high, but these researchers contend, but they do something even better: they cure HIV.

Florida or Russia?

7. Hearing the unusual squeaks of her parakeet, a local woman was alerted to the fact that a burglar was attempting to break into her neighbor's house. She called the police, and "Emerald," the 21-year parakeet became a bit of a local sensation.

Florida or Russia?


1. RussiaThe daredevil was apprehended earlier this week. The biker, 25-year-old Pavel Volkov, apologized, but it did no good. He was charged with hooliganism, and he faces up to 5 years in jail. 

2. RussiaOf course. Watch the video and note a) the fact that no one seems to care, b) the furs. 

3. FloridaWhat makes it worse is that the ex-lady found out about the conflagration when her former fiancé, burnt to a crisp, showed up at a mutual friends' place, rather than the ER. 

4. FloridaUpon investigating further, police found that Don Samuelson, professor of veterinary science at the University of Florida, had done this to at least four other women. They seized a thumb drive full of such voyeuristic videos.

5. RussiaRussia already has a divorce tax, but this law would make it 100 times steeper. Oh, and that lawmaker? Former Russian president, Dmitry Medvedev.

6. RussiaThese magic 'shrooms also allegedly cure the common flu and smallpox. 

7. Florida."We pretty much don't have a watchdog, but we have a watch bird for the neighborhood," Emerald's owner told the press. 

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