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Admit It, You’re All Just Jealous of Martha Stewart

Don MacKinnon/Getty Images

If you haven’t heard already, Martha Stewart tweets out some pretty horrific food photos: lumpy-looking salad dressing, strangely mutinous gelatin substances, chicken a la vomit. They’re entirely unappealing, and more than a little gross.

And yesterday, overdosing on their own Marthafreude, the internet had a field day with the photos. Buzzfeed, Jezebel, the LA Times, and Huffington Post all snarkily pointed out that the Domestic Doyenne isn’t always so damn perfect. The LA Times even referred to Martha as “the domestic goddess who can supposedly cook, decorate and get herself into and out of pleasant jail” (Italics mine).

But who, under the influence of one too many cabernet sauvignons, has not taken an unflattering, poorly lit, hastily framed iPhone shot of some delicious margherita pizza, only to discover later that it looks more like a cesspool of curdled buttermilk?

I know, I know. You expected more of Martha. But honestly, let’s all admit that yesterday’s pile-on was a result of the green-eyed monster coming out to play. Because while Martha’s food porn is less than envy-inducing…

Her coffee station looks like this:

This is one of her many kitchens (and just a few of her cake stands):

And here’s one of her gardens:

Oh, and another garden, at a different house:

Did we mention she has horses? (This is their stable.):

Her birthday party table settings looked like this:

Oh, and then there's her graceful and yet oh-so-perfectly smug response to all your hate:

Still feeling superior to Martha? Yeah, I didn’t think so.