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Christopher Furlong/Getty Images News

The Six Stages of England Fan Pessimism

Plumbing the psyche (or at least the tweets) of a nation that expects the worst in this (and every) World Cup

By Shaj Mathew

June 14, 2014

Last week, The Upshot confirmed the obvious: England is the world's most pessimistic country. Well, at least according to their belief in their national team. In a recent YouGov/Upshot survey, just 4 percent of English people believed that a squad featuring the likes of Wayne Rooney, Steven Gerrard, and a host of promising youngsters would lift the World Cup trophy in Brazil this summer. This was in comparison to the 8 percent of South Koreans and Mexicans who thought their teams would win the whole tournament, as well as 14 percent of Americans, who must be dreaming. Italy, which plays England in its first group-stage match today, has a more optimistic citizenry: 21 percent of Italian respondents said the azzuri would win. Inspired by the Upshot survey, and conducting ourselves in an equally scientific manner, we at Goal Posts have combed through the best barometer of the English fan base's current psychological state—Twitter—to map out the stages of English pessimism leading up to today's big game.  

1. Nervous sarcasm

Saturday’s Sun front page front page - “What could possibly go wrong?” #tomorrowspaperstoday#bbcpapers#ENGpic.twitter.com/HsZQtUDo1C

— Nick Sutton (@suttonnick) June 13, 2014

2. More nervous sarcasm

Andrea Pirlo ready to face England midfield.. pic.twitter.com/ZxIUxG66mH

— Football Funnys (@FootballFunnys) June 8, 2014

3. Manic self-reflection

0 days until the World Cup begins 2 days until England kick off 2 days until Italy beat us 3 days until we want Hodgson sacked.

— Moaning England fan (@SomeEvertonFan) June 11, 2014

4. Preemptive excuses

Thursday's Daily Mail back page - "What a farce" #ENG#ITA#tomorrowspaperstoday#bbcpaperspic.twitter.com/r32OmC7HF4

— Nick Sutton (@suttonnick) June 11, 2014

5. Sarcastic recognition of the need for divine intervention

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:-))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) pic.twitter.com/Jgsr8jBxAA

— Ian Wright (@IanWright0) June 14, 2014

5.5 Actual prayer

'Oh God': the official World Cup pithy prayer issued by Church of England http://t.co/kBHG3NVQf4

— The Guardian (@guardian) June 13, 2014

6. Renewed, if irrational, self-belief

Hodgson: 'We're here to try to win it. We're here to give such a good account of ourselves people at home feel proud' #eng#WorldCup

— Henry Winter (@henrywinter) June 13, 2014

Shaj Mathew is a Ph.D. student in comparative literature at Yale. His criticism has appeared in the New York Times Book Review.

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World Cup, Culture, 2014 World Cup, Sports, Twitter

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