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A Guide to Last Week's News for People Who Don't Like to Read

August 27-September 10

1. Eric Cantor and Wall Street finally made it official. The former House majority leader, with no finance experience beyond warm feelings, will get a bonus of $400,000 and $1 million in restricted stock from boutique investment firm Moelis & Company. Plus a $400,000 base.

2. Having recently criticized President Obama’s foreign policy, Hillary Clinton wrote a glowing review of Henry Kissinger’s latest book, calling him “a friend” who “checked in with me regularly, sharing astute observations about foreign leaders.” She also worked in four admiring references to Obama’s foreign policy.

3. Dreadnoughtus! The fossils of the biggest dinosaur ever were found in Argentina. Each dino weighed about 15 tons more than a Boeing 737.

4. 23-year-old Ali Hussein Kadhim, a Shiite in the Iraqi army, survived a mass execution by ISIS that the group claimed killed some 1,700 Shia soldiers. Kadhim played dead until dark, hid by a riverbank for three days, crossed the river by swimming against a current that was sweeping him toward ISIS units, and got smuggled away by sympathetic Sunnis.

5. Paul Krugman’s column of August 29 condemned those who worry about budget deficits. Paul Krugman’s column of September 1 condemned those who worry about budget deficits. Paul Krugman’s column of September 5 condemned those who worry about budget deficits.

6. Virginia’s ex-governor Bob McDonnell showed that portraying your marriage as a loveless sham does not incline a jury to believe you. He was found guilty on eleven of 13 counts of bribery, conspiracy, and extortion.

7. Tweet from Kirsten Dunst, after she learned that private nude photos of herself and many more Hollywood stars, including Kate Upton and Jennifer Lawrence, had been stolen and shared with the world.

Illustration by Peter Oumanski