On Wednesday, several hours after reports emerged that he would drop out of the race, John Kasich, third-rate presidential candidate and second-rate life coach, gave his farewell address in what looked to be a broken sauna.
The speech was something of a Greatest Hits compilation for Kasich. It hit his main themes—America is Good and Full of Good People, I Am a Good Person to Lead the Good People, and God Bless the Lord For Making Me Such a Gosh Darn Good Person. That Kasich took up these themes baffled many—he’s been a highly partisan government official for most of his career and his temper is somewhat legendary—but, to his credit, Kasich seems to really believe that he, and he alone, can help save people.
As with his campaign, his farewell speech was markedly short on ideas—it mostly sounded like something Mitch Albom would write if he had even less literary flair. It was a master class in smugness cloaked in humility. For the most part, Kasich talked about people he met on the campaign trail—not about their problems, however, or their dreams, but about how John Kasich touched their lives and made them better. Some of these stories were memorable and genuinely touching—Kasich choked up when remembering “the hug,” one of this campaign’s most moving moments—but all of them were a reminder of why Kasich stayed in the race this long: Because he’s a narcissist who literally gave himself the nickname the Prince of Light and Hope.