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How many worst songs ever are on Andrew Cuomo’s Spotify playlist?

You may have thought that there can only be one worst song ever. But that just means you haven’t seen this playlist, in which every other song makes you think, “Man, that is the worst song.”

“Walk This Way” features the worst sound humans have invented, Steven Tyler screeching. “We Didn’t Start the Fire” has, objectively, the worst lyrics of all time. “Born This Way” isn’t the worst song ever, but it is the worst Madonna song ever. And “Riders on the Storm” is literally the worst song in music history. (I have not listened to the Avett Brothers, but I have been alternately told it’s music for sensitive frat boys and the thinking man’s Mumford & Sons, both of which sound very bad.)

Does Andrew Cuomo, governor of New York, simply have bad taste in music? No. Andrew Cuomo probably doesn’t even listen to music. (His only hobby as far as anyone can tell is negging Bill de Blasio.) The problem is that his interns were told to come up with a playlist that: a) reflected his New York roots, which is why the only U2 song is “Angel of Harlem” and the Don Henley song is the deeply atrocious “New York Minute”; b) appealed to the kids who listen to Spotify, which is why Bruno Mars, born and raised in Hawaii, is randomly thrown on here; and c) conveyed that Andrew Cuomo, a real human being, is on the side of the real human beings of the working class, hence heavy doses of Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, and Billy Joel.

So we have the worst of both worlds: bad sounds about New York and bad songs not about New York. Don’t vote for Andrew Cuomo in 2020.