3rd PRIZE: teplukhin2you, with, "This is a column by the Great Karl Rove, whose tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries."
2nd PRIZE: Fwright, with, "Remarkably, Democrats are still enamored with Barack Obama, despite the fact that the senator barely bothers to hide the fact that he has fathered not one, but *two* black children with a black woman."
1st PRIZE*: boneill, with, "(Dictated) 'Mmmm...mmmm...this puppy is so goddam delicious! Mmmmm. What? Oh, hello, and welcome to my column.'"
Bask in your glory!
*1st prize would be a framed, photoshopped picture of John Edwards in latex chaps (horrifying image courtesy of drdannyu), if we had one.