To pass the time while the Writers Guild strike continues (and poke a little fun at their studio oppressors), some guild members with a little too much time on their hands have put up a spoof website of the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers. (The real, not-nearly-as-funny one is here.) Here, the "studios" summarize their position:
We urge the WGA's pedophorganizers to abandon their Quixotic pursuit of radical demands. We will not let you tilt at windmills. (We have placed all studio windmills under heavy security). The fact of the matter is, we're going to win this thing. We've got enough material to wait out the strike. On the feature side, we've got great scripts ready to shoot. How do we know they're great? Because they were already hits! Get ready for "Talladega Nights" starring Dane Cook! Wait until you see "Titanic" with Keira Knightley and Zac Efron! And on the TV side, we've got enough reality shows to choke a horse. Literally – one of the shows is "Can You Choke This Horse?" And for the fall, we're already working on "Can You Choke This Horse With the Stars?"
Then there's this, from the FAQ page:
What is the AMPTP? The AMPTP, or Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, is a collection of kindly gentlemen who create and distribute all of your favorite screen-based entertainment. Did you like Snow White when you were a kid? The AMPTP made that. How do you feel about "American Idol," The Bourne Ultimatum and everything Will Smith has ever done? That's the AMPTP, too. You're welcome....
I am convinced that you are correct when you say the writers' demands are unreasonable. I don't even have to look at the actual math behind this claim, because I trust you. But what did you offer them instead? We offered them a chance to be a part of what we call "The New Economic Partnership." Basically—
Stop right there. Your use of capital letters proves you mean business. You guys must be in the right. Thank you....
Hang on. I just looked at their demands and they seem kind of reasonable. Why don't you just pay them? Reasonable? They are asking for an amount of money that would literally bankrupt all six major studios and weaken our national defense! What kind of question is that? Who are you?
A terrorist who hates your country. Oh. Well, there you go.