Shorter Bill Clinton:

It's also really hard--I'm not saying unfair, you might say unfair and if you did I wouldn't argue, but I'm not saying unfair--that Hillary's campaign started out with by far the most endorsements, the strongest fundraising apparatus, and exponentially the best name recognition. I mean, those things really limit what you can say on the campaign trail. Compare that to all the breaks a guy like Mike Gravel gets. Nobody has the slightest clue who he even is, so he can say any ol' crazy thing he wants and the media hardly notices. But me, I make one little Obama-Jackson comparison and everybody makes such a big deal about it. Why? Because I was a two-term president, and Hillary is the frontrunner, and yadda yadda yadda. It's all so--well, I'm not gonna say unfair, even though it's probably what you're already thinking. Right?

If I were a hobo, we'd be winning this thing by a landslide, and you know it.

--Christopher Orr