In case you haven't damaged your children enough, here's a fun book I saw on Boing Boing that should help. My Beautiful Mommy will help you explain to your child why mommy needs lots and lots of plastic surgery (totally the child's fault; pregnancy is hell on a gal). Teach your children that mommy isn't shocked or wearing a mask, her face is just frozen; teach them that gigantic lips are good for kissing boo-boos; and that, if they want to feel good about themselves, your children too will have to go under the knife to hack away at all of those genetic deformities mommy passed down! 

According to Newsweek: "My Beautiful Mommy is aimed at kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: 'You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.' Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist" 

Awww. Sounds like a hit to me!
 

--Sacha Zimmerman