Newt Gingrich recognizes the GOP is headed for major trouble unless it gets its act together. His vision of what that would entail, though, is pretty comical: The number one item on Newt's list is, "Repeal the gas tax for the summer." And, believe it or not, that actually is the most major policy proposal he makes. The other eight "acts of real change" that will rescue the Republicans include releasing oil from the strategic petroleum reserve onto the open market, making English the official language, creating a new air traffic control system, and reforming the census. (Yes, reforming the census.) Newt apparently also believes that the Miami Dolphins would have won the Super Bowl last year if only their special-teams play had been a little bit better.

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--Josh Patashnik