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Santa Baby

Joy to the World! My Neiman Marcus Christmas Book has come. As some of you may recall, I enjoy flipping through the catalog each year for a glimpse into the fantasy life of the super tacky. But this season, The Book serves a far more practical purpose: providing some inkling of what Sarah Palin plans to put on her Christmas list. 

Undoubtedly, Sarah believes herself to have been extra good this year. But after that kerfuffle over the clothes, she may be worried about looking greedy. So I'm thinking maybe she'd like the limited-edition Titanium Fighter Motocycle from Confederate Motor Company. At only $110,000, it seems perfect for a thrifty gal of simple tastes such as herself.

Then again, what's more Joe Six-Packesque than football? So maybe she and Todd would prefer a Dallas Cowboys Texas Stadium End Zone Package. It's only $500,000 and "includes VIP treatment for the last regular season Cowboys game in Texas Stadium."

Of course, with Bristol and Levi getting married in a few months (yeah, right) the Platinum Wedding at the Resort at Pelican Hill makes a certain practical sense. The starting price is $1,000,000--but NM assures that the package can be customized to fit any "tastes, interests, and romantic quirks." (Insert your own moose joke here.)

I'm guessing the Guiness Home Pub holds limited appeal ($250,000), Ireland being one of those foreign lands that elitist blue-staters visit while backpacking through Europe post-college. And presumably the Jack Nicklaus Custom Backyard Golf Course (starting price $1,000,000) would be murder to keep up during those long Alaskan winters.

The Harlem Globetrotter On-Court Experience ($110,000) might bring back memories of Sarah Barracuda's glory days playing for Wasilla High. 

But, knowing what we know about the high regard in which McCain's frontier diva holds herself, I think--were I an RNC personal shopper looking to get Sarah something reallllly special--I'd go with the His & Hers life-size sculptures in LEGOs. Hell, at $60,000, each, the GOP can pay for Sarah's sculpture with the money it got back from returning all those campaign clothes.

And on that festive note, I leave you with this seasonal ditty, which--the Palins' $35 wedding rings aside--somehow reminds me of good ol' Sarah. 

 --Michelle Cottle