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In Which Bowl Games Deliver Me Into The Hands Of The Far Left

Several days of watching college football bowl games have left me with a fresh resentment for corporate America. It's the bowl sponsorship arrangement. I could accept it when the Sugar Bowl became the Nokia Sugar Bowl and the Orange Bowl became the FedEx Orange Bowl. I was even able to swallow hard and live with it when the smaller bowls lost their non-corporate identity altogether, as when the Outback Hall of Fame Bowl has simply become the Outback Bowl.

But what really gets me is the obligatory CEO interview. At every one of these games, the announcers must take five minutes to speak with the CEO of the sponsoring company. He is treated as a visiting patron, prodded to share his interest in the community that sparked his sponsorship decision. Often he will share his Business Philosophy as his interlocuters gaze on in wonder. Of course it takes place during the action so nobody can flip away without missing some plays. And then -- this is what really burns me -- they thank him for sponsoring the game, as if the game wouldn;t be happening without his beneficience. Oh, thank you, sir, for taking this advertising opportunity. Back in the days when this game was called the Florida Citrus Bowl, life was practically unbearable. Now that it is the Capital One Bowl, and giant credit card logos decorate the playing field, we spectators can finally enjoy ourselves.

I wish, just once, the sideline reporter or play-by-play announcer who conducts this nauseating ritual would turn out to be a Marxist mole willing to immolate his career for one glorious on-air moment. Instead of reading from his cue card, he would say, "Capitalist Pig, last year most of your workforce earned wages that would not allow them to raise a family outside of poverty, while you took home $473 million, including a private jet and your own vacation island. Meanwhile this arrangement is hammered home by the ubiquitous corporate logos plastered over every inch of the stadium. Give me one good reason why the crowd shouldn't tar and feather you right here on the spot."

Sadly, all the Marxists are in academia rather than broadcast sports. That's the problem with Marxists. They're everywhere you don't want them to be and nowhere you really need them

--Jonathan Chait