Gentle readers,

I hope you are sitting down. I had intended to write a post debunking the rumor--I'm tired of hearing it, you know about it?--that Fox News's Glenn Beck is secretly working with OSHA on a totalitarian program to convert your children to freemasonry, touch your pets inappropriately, and force the United States to adopt the metric system and cyrillic alphabet. But here's the thing: I've done several hours of research on this rumor. I can't debunk it! If you trust Fox News, it's fine. If you have any kind of fear that the network is putting conspiracy-addled imbeciles on the air to stoke fear and paranoia in difficult times... that ain't good.

--Christopher Orr