Our mothers hectored us for years to eat our spinach, and now we find out that it's one of the foods most likely to poison us.

I'm increasingly convinced that the safest diet consists entirely of tequila and Twinkies. Tequila for its antiseptic properties, and Twinkies because they contain vanishingly little real food, thus limiting the possibility of contamination, and have a shelf life measured in millenia. (Imagine the slogan possibilities: Twinkies live forever--and so can you!)

What could be healthier?

--Michelle Cottle