If so, read this. It'll be very satisfying (albeit in a soul-corroding way). Of course, I like to think that if, say, Ty Lawson's big toe tested positive for steroids, I'd deal with the news like an adult. But that's the thing about being a sports fan: it inevitably brings out the idiot in you--especially if you believe that your team stands for something greater than just sports.

--Jason Zengerle