How to make Joe Lieberman angry

Senator Joseph Lieberman said opponents of President Bush's policies on the Iraq war are exercising "wrongheaded thinking" and are operating in a "political climate" where Bush can only do wrong. ... He lamented: "Unfortunately, many in our country today do not seem to share that critical understanding of the threats we face. Increasingly, the debate over our foreign policy is becoming so polarized, so bound up in the battles we are having here in Washington, that it seems blind to the real battle outside America, the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."
--Newsmax.com, March 14


PONTIAC, MICH., MARCH 30--Senator Joseph Lieberman set off sparks at a gathering of General Motors shareholders today when he accused the troubled auto-maker's management of emboldening Islamic terrorists by acting as if Toyota were a bigger threat than Al Qaeda.

"Unfortunately, many in the American auto industry act like their number-one job is making cars and keeping their companies from going bankrupt," Lieberman said. In relentlessly focusing on the challenge from the more-efficient, more-reliable cars made by Toyota, he explained, GM's management "seems blind to the real battle outside America, the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."


BOSTON, APRIL 10--Senator Joseph Lieberman charged into the dugout at this afternoon's Red Sox home opener to warn manager Terry Francona that he had undermined the war on terrorism because he didn't include "defeat Al Qaeda" on a list of goals for the new season in the team's clubhouse.

"Unfortunately, the Sox have chosen to focus their resources on the New York Yankees, not the North Wazirstan Sunnis" Lieberman told Designated Hitter David Ortiz. Speaking though an interpreter, he also warned pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka that, rather than studying the batting stances of opposing players, he should focus on "the real battle outside the A.L. East, the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."


NEW YORK, APRIL 22--Striking a discordant note in a speech before hundreds of thousands of marchers at the Earth Day commemoration in Central Park today, Senator Joseph Lieberman lamented the anti-global warming movement's failure to use the massive rally to condemn Islamic fundamentalism.

"Unfortunately, the speakers today didn't think it was important to tell the world that global Islamist fascism is a relentless enemy that rejects our basic values no matter what the climate," Lieberman said, urging his 2000 running mate Al Gore to endorse the idea of renaming the annual holiday "Earth/Anti-Terrorism Day." He charged that the environmental lobby "seems blind to the real battle outside the endangered polar ice cap, the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."


EDEN PRAIRIE, MINN., JUNE 17--Senator Joseph Lieberman flew to this placid Minneapolis suburb today to personally chastise the Gustafson family for its lack of seriousness about the global war on terrorism.

"Unfortunately, the Gustafsons seem to think that peach schnapps is a bigger danger than terrorism," Lieberman said in a defiant address in the principal's office of Fitzgerald Junior High, where Doug and Janet Gustafson had been summoned after 13-year-old Alex Gustafson was caught spiking the punch at a school dance. Lieberman said he was particularly incensed that Janet Gustafson described herself as "angrier than I've ever been in my life," a statement that might allow America's enemies to infer that the nation's anger was not entirely focused on the September 11 attacks. He suggested that the younger Gustafson use his 7-day suspension to focus on "the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."


WASHINGTON, JUNE 30--A visibly angry Senator Joseph Lieberman today charged that his wife, Hadassah, was disregarding the menace of terrorism when she described the weeds invading her award-winning flower garden as "our biggest enemy."

"Unfortunately, if the weeds do one thing, her only concern is to do the opposite--no matter what message it sends to the terrorists," Lieberman told reporters gathered on a patio behind the couple's home. He explained that he was worried that his wife was "so bound up in the battles we are having here against crabgrass, that she seems blind to the real battle outside America, the challenge of our time from the Islamist extremists."

By Michael Currie Schaffer