A landmark cinematic event in 280 words, or one for every $500, 000 of weekend box office:


Senior year. How’d you get so old so fast?

Oh, good. Cullen’s here.

I’m 109.

Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man.

Bella.

Jacob.

Hello, biceps.

I’m just filling out.

The Volturi are a very old, very powerful family.

Don’t hate the truck.

Ow, paper cut.

Jasper hasn’t been away from human blood as long as the rest of us.

I love you.

Love you.

You just don’t belong in my world, Bella.

You don’t want me. That changes things. A lot.

Goodbye.

October.

November.

December.

The absence of him is everywhere I look.

That’s it. You’re going to Jacksonville to live with your mother.

Jake, you’re, like, buff. How’d that happen?

You’re sort of beautiful.

Like, five hikers have been killed by some bear. But they can’t find the bear.

What, I can’t hold your hand?

Jake, your dad says you have mono. He won’t let me visit.

You cut your hair off? And got a tattoo?

Look, Bella. We can’t be friends anymore.

Things are bad again.

Dad, I saw them in the woods. They’re not bears.

Guess the wolf’s out of the bag.

C’mon in, Bella. We won’t bite.

You’re not the first monsters I’ve met.

It’s not a lifestyle choice, Bella.

Wait, there’s a vampire.

Bella, what’s that awful wet-dog smell?

Don’t. Get. Me. Upset.

Bella, Edward’s going to the Volturi. He wants to die, too.

What a happy surprise. Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful?

She knows too much. She’s a liability.

Goodbye, my young friends.

Bella, do not ever do that to me again. Ever.

It would be nice not to want to kill you all the time.

Marry me.