No, he wasn't calling long distance from Haiti, where innocent me thought he actually might be, as he is, and has been since 2009, the United Nations special envoy to that accursed country. But Haiti is a place where his big smile or self-bitten bottom lip would do no good. And, anyway, it would be no fun.

So Bill Clinton stayed in America doing whatever he does ordinarily and also flew to Massachusetts to campaign for Martha Coakley, the desperate Democratic candidate running now from behind to succeed the late Ted Kennedy. I am of the opinion that the panic which already brought this ex-president, and will bring the sitting one here tomorrow, is self-fulfilling. Anyway, she is a dunce for whom I will vote on Tuesday.

As you understand, I will vote for her neither because of Bill Clinton's visit nor because of his recorded telephone call this morning, much earlier than I usually awake on a weekend. And there was no thrill to his wake-up call, as there was with President Obama.