You are using an outdated browser.
Please upgrade your browser
and improve your visit to our site.
Skip Navigation

My Two Cents

A Poem by Larry King

Dick Van Dyke is the most enduring of television superstars.
Burt Reynolds improves the screen by being on it.
Kris Kristofferson never fails to move me.
Tommy Lasorda's pasta sauce is very, very good.

I get a good feeling when I see a police officer on a horse.
I've never been a big fan of daylight savings time.
I never get tired of listening to Canada's national anthem.
I wonder what I'll find if I ever get around to cleaning out my glove
I always feel 100 percent better after a really good manicure.

How can people eat huge meals when it's hot outside?
Chinese food tastes better Sunday nights.
Doesn't pink grapefruit taste better than yellow standard grapefruit?
I will not return to a restaurant that doesn't have skim milk at all
Jell-O is still one of the all-time great desserts.

If the first call of the day is a good one, then all of them
  usually are.
Parking violations officers who enjoy their jobs are sadists.
You want a clean city, my friend, you want Salt Lake City, Utah.
The designs of the new ties are better than ever.
The dumbest of all human attitudes is racial prejudice.
Milk cartons are not easy to open.

Is there a better feeling than having to sneeze and then sneezing?
Don't you believe Kermit and Miss Piggy are real?
Do you think you could explain satellite dishes to Thomas Jefferson?
Do men still wear pinky rings?
How do women choose among all the lipsticks available to them? 
How do you celebrate flag day? 

Sam Johnson and Chris Marcil write for MTV's "Beavis and Butt-head." This poem was culled entirely from Larry King's column in USA Today.