The Onion:

WASHINGTON—In an act that many are calling long overdue, Congress passed legislation this week to honor those Americans who were first on the scene to profit from the tragedy of Sept. 11, 2001.
The so-called 9/11 First Capitalizers Act, which passed by a wide margin in both the House and Senate, is the first measure to recognize the utter lack of sacrifice on the part of those men and women who did not hesitate to put their own personal agendas above all else when it mattered most. ...
Among those Americans recognized were "United We Stand" T-shirt manufacturer Gary Tabano, country artists Toby Keith and Lee Greenwood, Halliburton CEO David Lesar, filmmaker Oliver Stone, former president George W. Bush, and 89 members of Congress itself.