Mitt Romney is running for president under the slogan "Believe in America." He unveiled his new campaign video:

Wait -- wrong video. Romney's "Believe in America" video can be found here.

But come to think of it, wouldn't undertaker Amerigo Bonasera make for a better Republican nominee? Let me list his attributes in bullet-point form:

  1. Successful small business owner (America has made his fortune.)
  2. Believes in America
  3. Family values (raised his daughter in the American fashion -- gave her freedom, but taught her never to dishonor her family)
  4. Suspicious of liberal, soft-on-crime judges
  5. Has never crafted a health care plan identical in structure to Affordable Care Act

Bonasera 2012!