When The Lit Review announced last month that Morrissey’s List of the Lost was nominated for its 23rd annual Bad Sex in Fiction Prize, it was hard to imagine the novel not winning. Just look at this:
Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.
The locked position when Ezra rubbed as far as he could go; the hump and bump of interjection as his eyes met hers in equal swirl — guts and innards finally melting with intellect as jets of Ezra would cut in and then cut off at that moment when all of the body is felt from tip to toe; the inside works just as well as the outside. with playful nastiness, Eliza twists her entire body as she pulls away, knowing that this will cause neatly burning pain to Ezra — which amuses her because it brings to Ezra’s face a new expression, like inhaling a cigarette, that face ... that landscape ... how could he see his own reflection every single day and not feel blessed?
Perhaps this isn’t surprising—Morrissey famously detests sex and once said he was “inches away from a Monastery.” Setting aside the question of if Morrissey has ever had sex before, there was simply no way that the other nominees—including Lauren Groff, Joshua Cohen, and Erica Jong—could compete. The former Smiths frontman did not accept his award in person.
In other Morrissey news, earlier today he favorably compared ISIS to the TSA, which he gathers “stands for Thorough Sexual Assault.”