Disneyland

Hey Disneyland, forget Star Wars, you can pry the Thunder Ranch petting zoo from my cold dead hands.

In preparation for the building of a “Star Wars land,” Disney has purchased an additional plot outside the current boundaries of the park, and plans to close rides within the park as well, to make room for the new group of themed rides.

In Disneyland’s continued War Against the Past, Tommorowland now threatens to overwhelm nearly half of the park, with visitors tipped heavily to the right half. To encourage a spread of visitors, Disney will close portions of Frontierland, including Big Thunder Ranch, Big Thunder Ranch Barbecue, Big Thunder Ranch petting zoo, and Big Thunder Ranch Jamboree. Big Thunder Railroad—the oldest, seemingly least-concerned-about-your-safety, and thus best roller-coaster at Disneyland—will keep chugging along.

The Mark Twain Riverboat, the Sailing Ship Columbia, the Disneyland Railroad, the Davy Crockett Explorer Canoes, and the Pirates Lair on Tom Sawyer Island will be temporarily closed, which may come as to a surprise to anyone who realized they were open.

Pictured above: Me, embracing Buttercup, whispering to her that she can have a new forever home in Brooklyn, where no one will ever make her watch a Star War.