Larry the cat has been a member of the Cameron family since 2011, when he was adopted from an animal shelter. Larry was ostensibly brought in to fix Downing Street’s rat problem, and was quickly christened “Larry Cameron, Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office” and given to Cameron’s children as a pet.
Given the fact that Larry was adopted by Cameron, said to be a pet to his children, and is called “Larry Cameron,” it could only be expected that Larry would join Cameron in his future endeavors and adventures (mocking the lower classes). But that is not to be. “It’s a civil servant’s cat and does not belong to the Camerons—he will be staying,” a Downing Street spokesperson told the BBC. This is, of course, not true: The cat’s name is Larry Cameron, after all! Instead, this is spin meant to cover up one of two possible conspiracies.
Conspiracy number one: Larry was a PR stunt and was adopted to fix Cameron’s image problem, specifically the perception that he was a stuffy upper-class nit who probably had a penchant for hitting animals and street urchins with a stick. Cameron, however, resisted the attempt at humanization and never quite took to the cat, however, referring to it, in classic British aristocratic fashion, as “it” and marveling at others’ affection for it—specifically Barack Obama’s. Now that Cameron no longer needs to be humanized—he is free to openly be a sociopath—the cat has no use and is being left behind.
Conspiracy number two: David Cameron is an automaton created by the British elite to further their class interests, reinstate the British Empire, and resurrect Margaret Thatcher, using Aleister Crowley’s magick. Larry was designed to distract from Cameron’s coldness and lack of sympathy for living things without landed estates, but unfortunately, Cameron, not being programmed with human emotions, could only treat Larry with coldness. Now that Cameron’s handlers have no use for him and his circuits are beginning to decay (the song he hummed on Monday was a malfunction), Larry is being left to Cameron’s slightly more human successor. Larry will then become the leader of the Labour Party.
The truth is out there.