It may be cold outside during Trump’s inauguration, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be hot.

Aw, yeah:

There might be some clarification forthcoming about “soft sensuality,” but I have absolutely no idea what could possibly make it less icky. Maybe it’s Trump’s team’s way of acknowledging that no one remotely famous wants anything to do with his inauguration, with “soft sensuality” being an adventurous euphemism for “boring and filled with people you have never heard of.” Or maybe Trump will deliver his speech while lying on a leopard-print bedspread with a rose between his teeth, as syrupy smooth jazz plays softly in the background.

We haven’t had an inauguration this sensuous in years, baby. This is gonna be a 300-thread-count inauguration, a chocolate-covered-strawberries inauguration, a Kenny-“Babyface”-Edmonds inauguration, a take-the-kids-to-your-parents inauguration, a Ricky-Martin-candle-wax inauguration.