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Blad Blibs

The George Santos Story, Part Two

My stellar accomplishments

Bloomberg/Getty (embellished by The New Republic)

George Santos just keeps on giving. Now, he tells Piers Morgan that he told all those lies in 2022 because, well, he told them in 2020, and no one caught him then!

It seemed to us that Santos sometimes just puts any old word in any old place without any regard for reality. So it’s in that spirit that we offer three short George Santos “Blad Blibs”—about his early years, his major accomplishments, and his plans for America. Come help George tell his inspiring story.

Hey there, George again! I know there’s a lot of chatter about the exact nature of my accomplishments, so let me set the record straight once and for all.

First of all: No, I did not invent the TYPE OF SANDWICH. And I never said I did! That was purely a/n NOUN of the ADJECTIVE media. Those people make me so ADJECTIVE! But I just VERB them.

Even so, I have a few accomplishments under my belt of which I’m ADVERB proud. Yes—I did ACTION VERB in the SPECIFIC WAR IN HISTORY, and you bet I’m proud of that! It made a huge difference! And that charity I started after the war to VERB veterans—I’m proud of that, too! And yes, as has been widely reported, I love veterans and animals and SNACK FOOD and HOME APPLIANCES! So sue me!

One thing I’ve learned in life is, that people can be so petty and jealous. So I won a/n AWARD for my role in FAMOUS MOVIE. There was no way to rig that! And playing the ORCHESTRAL INSTRUMENT on RAP/HIP-HOP SONG! True, I wasn’t credited on the record, but you can VERB it up online!

As for my business career—the fact is, I developed an app that helped investors VERB millions of TOILETRY ITEMS, PLURAL. And my dog shelter saved the lives of NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND TEN strays. But no, I don’t seek credit! I just want to set the record ADJECTIVE.

Choose your words wisely: