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Is this Chris Christie’s final indignity?

Given his doting attention and faithful service as a valet, Christie has been near the top of speculative Donald Trump VP shortlists for a while now. For the last several months he’s avoided his duties as governor of New Jersey to be Trump’s hostage, funny fat guy, and McDonald’s-fetcher, all qualities that Trump clearly values. But it seems like all the talk about Christie being Trump’s vice president is just talk: According to a report on NJ.com, Christie has little chance of becoming Trump’s running mate.  

For one thing, Christie is too into Trump to be seen as vice president material: “Christie’s stout defense of Trump and unwillingness to criticize him may have backfired.” According to one source, “You want someone who’s willing to be a Devil’s advocate at times” and that is certainly not Christie, who is using Trump to fill the Bruce Springsteen-shaped hole in his heart. Perhaps picking up Trump’s orders at McDonald’s had the opposite effect Christie hoped: It showed him to be a groveler, rather than a team-of-rivals-style player. 

Even more embarrassing is the fact that Christie is only being vetted to make him feel better. Christie filled out over 100 pages of documents, but according to NJ.com’s source: “They’ve been vetting him (because) it would be embarrassing not to be vetted.” Christie is getting sympathy-vetted. 

According to the same report, Newt Gingrich is the frontrunner, which is hilarious. But Trump is also considering Martha Blackburn, who seems like she could be the next Sarah Palin: “Blackburn, a Republican, is anti-abortion and said she doesn’t believe in the theory of evolution, and maintains that the Earth is not facing a global warming, but actually cooling.” Lol.