Trump’s Shared Totally Made Up Conversation in Cabinet Meeting

President Donald Trump took nearly five minutes out of a Thursday Cabinet meeting to tell the country a rambling, completely made-up story about his beloved Sharpie pens.

In the middle of a discussion of the Trump administration’s plans to remodel the Kennedy Center, a possibly half-asleep Trump launched into a tangent about the Sharpie he was holding in his hand.

“This pen is an interesting example,” Trump declared. “This pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well. I like it.”

Trump then said that, after deciding he wanted a more official-looking Sharpie, he convinced the company to sell him personalized markers at $5 a pop. In his own words:

“I called the guy—I said, ‘I’d like to use your pen, but I can’t have a gray thing with a big S on it saying “Sharpie” as I’m signing a $1 trillion airplane contract to buy brand new fighter jets.’

“He said, ‘I’ll paint it black.… And I can even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold.’ Almost real gold. Not bad. ‘And I can even do your signature, sir.… You don’t have to pay me, sir. I’ll give them to you for nothing.’

“I said, ‘No, I don’t want that. Let me pay you. I want to pay you.’

“‘No, sir. You don’t have to. You’re the president of the United States.’ He was shocked. The head of Sharpie. He gets a call. I don’t even know who the hell he is.

“He said, ‘He’s really the president? … No, you don’t have to pay me, sir. This is such an honor.’ I said, ‘No, I want to pay you.’ And he said, ‘What would you like to pay?’ I said, ‘How about five bucks a pen?’ He said, ‘That’s all right.’”

In addition to this not actually being that much of a good deal—you can buy your own Sharpie with your name and custom art for less than $2 on the official retailer’s website—Sharpie company officials promptly told The Washington Post that Trump’s story was false.

“We don’t have any information about the conversation described,” a spokesperson for the marker company said.

It remains to be seen whether a reporter will confront Trump or White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt about this fib. In any case, we can mark it as one of the more harmless lies on top of the tens of thousands of insidious ones the president has told since taking office for the first time in 2016.

Attendees at the 2026 Conservation Political Action Conference seem to be dazed and confused after a disastrously chaotic month for President Donald Trump. In the last 30 days, he has started a war in the Middle East, deployed federal agents to airports, and refused to end the partial government shutdown.

While speaking from the CPAC stage Friday in Grapevine, Texas, American Conservative Union chairman Matt Schlapp asked a question he apparently thought would hype up the crowd.

“How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?”

The crowd erupted in cheers.

“No,” Schlapp responded, shaking his head. “That was the wrong answer. Let me try it again. How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?” he asked the crowd for a second time.

Again, he was met with cheers.

“NOOO!” Schlapp responded with a chuckle. He dropped the question and hastily moved on, seemingly accepting that Trump’s base apparently doesn’t know what impeachment means—despite the fact that the president has now been impeached twice.

Though they’re united by red MAGA caps and American flag attire, the crowd at CPAC appears to be uncharacteristically disengaged after Trump’s tumultuous first year back in office. Younger and older members are divided over the war in Iran, affordability is plummeting, and the Epstein files have raised suspicions across MAGA. One young attendee told CNN many of his fellow Trump supporters now “can’t stand the guy.” It’s a starkly different mood from last year’s conference, where many declared Trump’s election was the start of the golden years.

In a separate instance Thursday, the crowd again did not know when or how to cheer. In a conversation with White House border czar Tom Homan, CPAC host Melody Schlapp asked how Trump immigration policies compared to the “Biden years.”

Waiting for a reaction, Schlapp paused and turned her head to the crowd. She was met with silence.

“I’m not hearing a boo when I say Joe Biden, people! Come on! We do audience participation here!”

Democrats on the House Oversight Committee are looking for more answers about missing materials from Jeffrey Epstein’s estate.

In a series of letters Thursday, Democrats on the committee sought testimony from three private investigators who removed a trove of materials from the alleged sex trafficker’s mansion in Palm Beach, including several hard drives.

A memo from one private investigator, William Riley, to Epstein’s criminal attorney Roy Black detailed the list of “items of potential evidentiary value” that had been removed just 11 days before law enforcement raided Epstein’s home in 2005. That list included three desktop computers, dozens of telephone directories, photographs of naked women, sex toys, and pornography.

During a closed-door deposition earlier this month, Darren Indyke, one of Epstein’s lawyers, claimed that private investigators had removed hard drives from the disgraced financier’s estate that were never turned over to the Department of Justice. Indyke also claimed he was never previously interviewed by federal investigators.

Oversight Democrats requested information from William Riley and Stephen Kiraly, who operated the private investigations firm retained by Black, and Paul Lavery, the investigator who Riley’s memo claimed had removed the materials. The letters also requested that the investigators not alter, damage, or destroy any electronically stored material, or risk adverse legal consequences.

“It’s stunning that Jeffrey Epstein’s computers and hard drives were in the possession of Epstein’s private investigators and may never have been seen by any law enforcement agency,” said the committee’s ranking Democrat, Representative Robert Garcia, in a statement, adding: “Oversight Democrats are working to access these hard drives and items and speak directly with the private investigators. We will identify every co-conspirator who shielded Epstein and hold them accountable.”

Our podcaster FBI director has had his email hacked by the country we’re currently bombing.

The Department of Justice confirmed to Reuters that Kash Patel’s personal email was breached on Friday after a group of Iran-linked hackers named “Handala Hack Team” began boasting that they had taken over the account.

The Handala group made hundreds of what they claim are Patel’s personal emails available to download on their website. Some emails contain pictures of Patel that cannot be found elsewhere online. Others include what appear to be his phone number and personal email address. The New Republic was unable to independently verify the images and emails shared by Handala. A call to the phone number went to a generic voicemail.

Both Reuters and the cybersecurity company Cyble suggested that Handala is run by the Iranian government. “Although the group publicly presents itself as a pro-Palestinian hacktivist collective, multiple intelligence assessments attribute its operations to Iran’s Ministry of Intelligence and Security,” Cyble wrote in a blog post.

A recent Wired feature on Handala reports that “researchers first spotted the ‘Handala’ brand being used toward the end of 2023, emerging after the October 7 attacks by Hamas on Israel and the country’s subsequent bombardment of Gaza.”

Handala dedicated the cyberattack on Patel “to the martyrs of the Dena destroyer,” referring to the attack of an Iranian ship by a U.S. submarine on March 4, which killed at least 84 people.

“The so-called ‘impenetrable’ systems of the FBI were brought to their knees within hours by our team,” the Handala team wrote on their website.

The hackers’ haul of files doesn’t appear to be all that revealing; they released various images allegedly from Patel’s personal email of what appears to be a younger Patel on vacation, along with a document that looks to be his personal resume. Nonetheless, it doesn’t inspire much confidence in national security when this happens to the head of the FBI.

Besides his podcasting acumen, Patel is best known for writing books about himself, using taxpayer money for private jet trips to visit his country-singer girlfriend, and misidentifying the culprits of crimes on social media.

This story has been updated.

The Trump administration wants people to think Iran’s new supreme leader is gay.

Fox News’s Jesse Watters asked President Trump Thursday about the rumor that Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, the hard-line cleric tapped to lead Iran, was a closeted gay man.

“Did the CIA tell you that Ayatollah Jr. is gay?” Watters asked.

“Well, they did say that, but I don’t know if it was only them. Which puts him off to a bad start in that particular country,” Trump said. In Iran, same-sex acts are punishable by death.

The president then launched into a rant against slogans like “Women for Palestine” and “Gays for Palestine” while claiming that “no Republican has ever gotten the gay vote like I did.”

But there is no credible intelligence supporting claims of the so-called “Gayatollah,” and the whole thing is a lie, two sources with direct knowledge of the matter, as well as two other sources briefed on the plot, told Zeteo.

“No one [here] gives it any credit; I doubt anybody in the Middle East does either,” one official told the outlet. “It’s some 20-year-old frat boy in the federal government’s idea of a good joke.”

A cohort of administration officials and MAGA insiders teamed up to fabricate a story claiming that intelligence supported gay rumors about Khamenei, who was selected to rule after his father, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, was killed earlier this month. The story soon showed up as an “EXCLUSIVE” in the New York Post with the headline “Trump briefed that Iran’s new Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei is probably gay—and president has priceless reaction.”

Trump has claimed that Khamenei is not an acceptable replacement, but admitted he would be open to working with another religious leader as long as they were favorable toward the United States. Now it seems that his administration is trying to turn Iranians against their new leader.

“We wanted to mindfuck [the Iranians] with gay shit,” one knowledgeable source told Zeteo. A source within the Trump administration told the outlet that one of their MAGA group chats was titled “gayatollah.”

The House Ethics Committee found Representative Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick guilty of 25 ethics charges Friday morning, following an intense seven-hour public hearing a day earlier.

The committee said the evidence against the Florida Democrat is “clear and convincing”—and  will hold a hearing following the House’s spring recess to decide her punishment, which could include censure, reprimand, or expulsion from the House.

Cherfilus-McCormick was indicted by federal prosecutors in November on 15 counts, which include stealing $5 million from the Federal Emergency Management Agency to use for her 2021 winning congressional campaign. She pleaded not guilty to the charges.

Friday’s verdict, and Thursday’s rare public House Ethics Committee proceeding, stemmed from a December report on the committee’s investigation into Cherfilus-McCormick’s alleged violations. 

“The ISC’s investigation has revealed substantial evidence of conduct consistent with the allegations in the indictment, as well as more extensive misconduct,” the 59-page report read. House Republicans have been pushing to expel Cherfilus-McCormick from the House since it was released in December. 

The hearing was held by an adjudicatory subcommittee of eight Republican and Democratic House members, who ultimately found Cherfilus-McCormick guilty of all but two alleged violations. 

Friday’s verdict will likely pressure House Democrats to support their colleague’s expulsion.

“You lose your credibility if you’re applying a different set of laws and a different standard to people of the other party,” Massachusetts Democrat Stephen Lynch told Politico before Thursday’s hearing. “I mean, how could we ever justify anything we do if we only apply that to Republicans, and we don’t follow the law?”

“You can’t crime your way into legitimate power,” Representative Marie Gluesenkamp wrote on X following the House Committee’s verdict. “Since she was found guilty, she should resign or be removed.”

This story has been updated.

U.S. forces have blown through more than 850 Tomahawk missiles in the ongoing war in Iran, according to a new report by The Washington Post. The usage rate has led some Pentagon officials to raise concerns about America’s capabilities in the Middle East and future conflicts.

Trump’s Iran war has dragged on for four weeks, and the military is firing an average of 16 Tomahawks a day. One official told the Post the number of the missiles left in the region is “alarmingly low.” It’s not like all the strikes have been precise takedowns of Iranian officials, either. In February, the U.S. hit a girls’ school with a Tomahawk, killing over 175 innocents, mostly young children.

Tomahawks aren’t your run-of-the-mill ballistic missile. Built by Raytheon, the weapons can cost as much as $3.6 million and take two years to construct, according to military documents reviewed by the Post. Being 20 feet long and roughly 3,500 pounds, they must be carried and launched from naval destroyers.

Just 57 Tomahawks were included in last year’s defense budget, meaning Trump’s war is blowing through years of stockpiling.

The fire rate “has alarmed some officials and prompted internal discussions about how to make more available,” according to the Post. The concerns come at an inauspicious time, as Trump flirts with the idea of sending 10,000 additional ground troops to Iran.

White House officials would have you believe our Great Nation possesses infinite ammunition. Press secretary Karoline Leavitt said on March 4 that the military “has more than enough munitions, ammo, and weapons stockpiles to achieve the goals of Operation Epic Fury laid out by President Trump—and beyond.”

But it’s best to take this administration’s statements about the war with a grain of salt. Trump has also gloated that defense manufacturers are quadrupling production of their “‘Exquisite Class’ Weaponry,” signaling that his administration knows it’s going through missiles at an unsustainable rate.

Pete Hegseth blocked the promotions of two women and two Black Army officers, showing yet again that he will stop at nothing in his war on diversity in the U.S. military.

The officers were originally on a one-star promotion list of about three dozen officers consisting mostly of white men, The New York Times reported Friday.

Hegseth had been pushing Army Secretary Daniel Driscoll to remove the four officers for months, but given their years of exemplary service, Driscoll refused, military officials told the Times. Hegseth finally removed their names himself, likely without the legal authority to do so.

As per military policy, the defense secretary is technically only supposed to approve or reject the entire list to prevent discrimination and prejudice—two things the former Fox News host has embraced in his catastrophic stint as defense secretary.

Since he was appointed in January 2025, Hegseth has gutted diversity, equity, and inclusion policies, pledged to remove women officers from combat, and banned trans people from serving in the military. “For too long, we’ve promoted too many uniform leaders for the wrong reasons—based on their race, based on gender quotas, based on historic so-called firsts,” he said in a speech last November.

A similar feud over race happened last summer when Maj. Gen. Antoinette R. Gant was selected to command the Military District of Washington. Hegseth’s chief of staff, Ricky Buria, was furious. He told Driscoll that Trump would not want to stand next to a Black female officer at military events, the Times reported.

Driscoll insisted the “president is not a racist or sexist,” and protested Buria’s apparently shocking declaration with a senior White House official, military officers told the Times. Gant’s promotion went through, and she began her service as district commander last summer.

It’s unclear whether Hegseth’s rogue removal of the four officers from the one-star promotion list will face similar scrutiny.

Senate Democrats approved a deal early Friday morning that would fund most of the Department of Homeland Security, ensuring that Transportation Security Administration workers would get their long-awaited paychecks but forfeiting proposed reforms to immigration enforcement.

Senate Democrats and Republicans approved legislation that would fund most DHS agencies except Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Border Patrol. The bill would restore funding to TSA, which has been hemorrhaging employees as paycheck after paycheck has gone unpaid, causing severe disruptions at airports across the country.

However, Democrats failed to secure key reforms to immigration enforcement, including banning ICE agents from wearing masks and requiring them to obtain judicial warrants in order to perform searches.

“That ship has sailed, and they kind of kissed that opportunity goodbye,” Senate Majority Leader John Thune said.

He claimed that Democrats were more interested in having an issue to run on in the midterm elections rather than passing reforms.

“We could be standing here now passing a funding bill with a list of reforms, if Democrats had made the smallest effort to actually reach an agreement,” Thune said. “But they didn’t.”

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said he was proud of the Democrats for sticking together. “My caucus didn’t budge,” he said, adding that Democrats would “fight hard for reforms” and “there will be opportunities.”

It’s not clear whether those opportunities will arise before the midterm elections.

In the meantime, Republicans are planning to pass funding for ICE and Border Patrol as part of budget reconciliation, which will require a simple majority rather than the 60 votes this legislation required.

Unlawful ICE arrests at immigration courts will continue across the country, despite the Department of Justice admitting that federal agents have no such authority to make them.

In a Tuesday letter to U.S. District Judge P. Kevin Castel of New York City, the DOJ conceded that a 2025 Immigration and Customs Enforcement memo used to justify the arrests of hundreds of immigrants appearing in immigration court “does not and has never applied to civil immigration enforcement actions in or near immigration court.” 

Despite the stunning concession, the Department of Homeland Security doesn’t seem to care. It will continue to arrest immigrants showing up for their hearings, the DHS said in a statement Thursday.

“There is no change in policy. We will continue to arrest illegal aliens at immigration courts following their proceedings. It is common sense to take them into custody following the completion of their removal proceedings,” the statement reads. 

“Nothing prohibits arresting a lawbreaker where you find them,” it concludes. Actually, it does. The DOJ itself admitted the memo does not mean ICE has free rein to arrest whoever it wants, wherever it wants. 

The disclosure was part of a federal court case brought by the New York Civil Liberties Union that challenges ICE’s nefarious arrests of immigrants at Manhattan’s immigration court, which has seen the most arrests of any major city in America. Thousands more have been unlawfully arrested at courthouses across the country. 

The DOJ apologized in a letter to Castel, and blamed the mistake on ICE. “We deeply regret that this error has come to light at this late stage, after the parties have expended significant resources and time to litigate this case and this Court has carefully considered Plaintiffs’ challenge to the 2025 ICE Guidance,” the letter reads.

It doesn’t really matter whose fault it was, especially as it seems ICE will continue snatching immigrants trying to comply with the federal system whether it’s authorized or not.