Trump Shared Totally Made-Up Conversation in Cabinet Meeting

President Donald Trump took nearly five minutes out of a Thursday Cabinet meeting to tell the country a rambling, completely made-up story about his beloved Sharpie pens.

In the middle of a discussion of the Trump administration’s plans to remodel the Kennedy Center, a possibly half-asleep Trump launched into a tangent about the Sharpie he was holding in his hand.

“This pen is an interesting example,” Trump declared. “This pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well. I like it.”

Trump then said that, after deciding he wanted a more official-looking Sharpie, he convinced the company to sell him personalized markers at $5 a pop. In his own words:

“I called the guy—I said, ‘I’d like to use your pen, but I can’t have a gray thing with a big S on it saying “Sharpie” as I’m signing a $1 trillion airplane contract to buy brand new fighter jets.’

“He said, ‘I’ll paint it black.… And I can even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold.’ Almost real gold. Not bad. ‘And I can even do your signature, sir.… You don’t have to pay me, sir. I’ll give them to you for nothing.’

“I said, ‘No, I don’t want that. Let me pay you. I want to pay you.’

“‘No, sir. You don’t have to. You’re the president of the United States.’ He was shocked. The head of Sharpie. He gets a call. I don’t even know who the hell he is.

“He said, ‘He’s really the president? … No, you don’t have to pay me, sir. This is such an honor.’ I said, ‘No, I want to pay you.’ And he said, ‘What would you like to pay?’ I said, ‘How about five bucks a pen?’ He said, ‘That’s all right.’”

In addition to this not actually being that much of a good deal—you can buy your own Sharpie with your name and custom art for less than $2 on the official retailer’s website—Sharpie company officials promptly told The Washington Post that Trump’s story was false.

“We don’t have any information about the conversation described,” a spokesperson for the marker company said.

It remains to be seen whether a reporter will confront Trump or White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt about this fib. In any case, we can mark it as one of the more harmless lies on top of the tens of thousands of insidious ones the president has told since taking office for the first time in 2016.

Attendees at the 2026 Conservative Political Action Conference seem to be dazed and confused after a disastrously chaotic month for President Donald Trump. In the last 30 days, he has started a war in the Middle East, deployed federal agents to airports, and refused to end the partial government shutdown.

While speaking from the CPAC stage Friday in Grapevine, Texas, American Conservative Union chairman Matt Schlapp asked a question he apparently thought would hype up the crowd.

“How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?”

The crowd erupted in cheers.

“No,” Schlapp responded, shaking his head. “That was the wrong answer. Let me try it again. How many of you would like to see impeachment hearings?” he asked the crowd for a second time.

Again, he was met with cheers.

“NOOO!” Schlapp responded with a chuckle. He dropped the question and hastily moved on, seemingly accepting that Trump’s base apparently doesn’t know what impeachment means—despite the fact that the president has now been impeached twice.

Though they’re united by red MAGA caps and American flag attire, the crowd at CPAC appears to be uncharacteristically disengaged after Trump’s tumultuous first year back in office. Younger and older members are divided over the war in Iran, affordability is plummeting, and the Epstein files have raised suspicions across MAGA. One young attendee told CNN many of his fellow Trump supporters now “can’t stand the guy.” It’s a starkly different mood from last year’s conference, where many declared Trump’s election was the start of the golden years.

In a separate instance Thursday, the crowd again did not know when or how to cheer. In a conversation with White House border czar Tom Homan, CPAC host Melody Schlapp asked how Trump immigration policies compared to the “Biden years.”

Waiting for a reaction, Schlapp paused and turned her head to the crowd. She was met with silence.

“I’m not hearing a boo when I say Joe Biden, people! Come on! We do audience participation here!”

Democrats on the House Oversight Committee are looking for more answers about missing materials from Jeffrey Epstein’s estate.

In a series of letters Thursday, Democrats on the committee sought testimony from three private investigators who removed a trove of materials from the alleged sex trafficker’s mansion in Palm Beach, including several hard drives.

A memo from one private investigator, William Riley, to Epstein’s criminal attorney Roy Black detailed the list of “items of potential evidentiary value” that had been removed just 11 days before law enforcement raided Epstein’s home in 2005. That list included three desktop computers, dozens of telephone directories, photographs of naked women, sex toys, and pornography.

During a closed-door deposition earlier this month, Darren Indyke, one of Epstein’s lawyers, claimed that private investigators had removed hard drives from the disgraced financier’s estate that were never turned over to the Department of Justice. Indyke also claimed he was never previously interviewed by federal investigators.

Oversight Democrats requested information from William Riley and Stephen Kiraly, who operated the private investigations firm retained by Black, and Paul Lavery, the investigator who Riley’s memo claimed had removed the materials. The letters also requested that the investigators not alter, damage, or destroy any electronically stored material, or risk adverse legal consequences.

“It’s stunning that Jeffrey Epstein’s computers and hard drives were in the possession of Epstein’s private investigators and may never have been seen by any law enforcement agency,” said the committee’s ranking Democrat, Representative Robert Garcia, in a statement, adding: “Oversight Democrats are working to access these hard drives and items and speak directly with the private investigators. We will identify every co-conspirator who shielded Epstein and hold them accountable.”

Our podcaster FBI director has had his email hacked by the country we’re currently bombing.

The Department of Justice confirmed to Reuters that Kash Patel’s personal email was breached on Friday after a group of Iran-linked hackers named “Handala Hack Team” began boasting that they had taken over the account.

The Handala group made hundreds of what they claim are Patel’s personal emails available to download on their website. Some emails contain pictures of Patel that cannot be found elsewhere online. Others include what appear to be his phone number and personal email address. The New Republic was unable to independently verify the images and emails shared by Handala. A call to the phone number went to a generic voicemail.

Both Reuters and the cybersecurity company Cyble suggested that Handala is run by the Iranian government. “Although the group publicly presents itself as a pro-Palestinian hacktivist collective, multiple intelligence assessments attribute its operations to Iran’s Ministry of Intelligence and Security,” Cyble wrote in a blog post.

A recent Wired feature on Handala reports that “researchers first spotted the ‘Handala’ brand being used toward the end of 2023, emerging after the October 7 attacks by Hamas on Israel and the country’s subsequent bombardment of Gaza.”

Handala dedicated the cyberattack on Patel “to the martyrs of the Dena destroyer,” referring to the attack of an Iranian ship by a U.S. submarine on March 4, which killed at least 84 people.

“The so-called ‘impenetrable’ systems of the FBI were brought to their knees within hours by our team,” the Handala team wrote on their website.

The hackers’ haul of files doesn’t appear to be all that revealing; they released various images allegedly from Patel’s personal email of what appears to be a younger Patel on vacation, along with a document that looks to be his personal resume. Nonetheless, it doesn’t inspire much confidence in national security when this happens to the head of the FBI.

Besides his podcasting acumen, Patel is best known for writing books about himself, using taxpayer money for private jet trips to visit his country-singer girlfriend, and misidentifying the culprits of crimes on social media.

This story has been updated.

The Trump administration wants people to think Iran’s new supreme leader is gay.

Fox News’s Jesse Watters asked President Trump Thursday about the rumor that Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei, the hard-line cleric tapped to lead Iran, was a closeted gay man.

“Did the CIA tell you that Ayatollah Jr. is gay?” Watters asked.

“Well, they did say that, but I don’t know if it was only them. Which puts him off to a bad start in that particular country,” Trump said. In Iran, same-sex acts are punishable by death.

The president then launched into a rant against slogans like “Women for Palestine” and “Gays for Palestine” while claiming that “no Republican has ever gotten the gay vote like I did.”

But there is no credible intelligence supporting claims of the so-called “Gayatollah,” and the whole thing is a lie, two sources with direct knowledge of the matter, as well as two other sources briefed on the plot, told Zeteo.

“No one [here] gives it any credit; I doubt anybody in the Middle East does either,” one official told the outlet. “It’s some 20-year-old frat boy in the federal government’s idea of a good joke.”

A cohort of administration officials and MAGA insiders teamed up to fabricate a story claiming that intelligence supported gay rumors about Khamenei, who was selected to rule after his father, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, was killed earlier this month. The story soon showed up as an “EXCLUSIVE” in the New York Post with the headline “Trump briefed that Iran’s new Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei is probably gay—and president has priceless reaction.”

Trump has claimed that Khamenei is not an acceptable replacement, but admitted he would be open to working with another religious leader as long as they were favorable toward the United States. Now it seems that his administration is trying to turn Iranians against their new leader.

“We wanted to mindfuck [the Iranians] with gay shit,” one knowledgeable source told Zeteo. A source within the Trump administration told the outlet that one of their MAGA group chats was titled “gayatollah.”