The Totally Idiotic Way Rudy Giuliani Got Served Birthday Indictment

Rudy Giuliani shitposted himself into an indictment Friday night as he left his 80th birthday party in Florida.

The former Trump lawyer spent weeks mocking the Arizona attorney general as he evaded receiving the subpoena for his alleged participation in a scheme to overturn the 2020 election, Rolling Stone reports, but his posts finally caught up to him.

Richie Taylor, communications director for the Arizona attorney general, told Rolling Stone authorities were able to locate Giuliani in Florida due to his constant livestreams: “Our agents traveled to Florida [on Friday]. We knew he was there because of his nightly live video streams at his residence.”

During a Friday night birthday bash to ring in the brand new octogenarian, whose birthday is May 28, Giuliani posted a photo of himself surrounded by a gaggle of cookie-cutter blonde women beaming through Botox. He taunted the Arizona attorney general, writing, “If Arizona authorities can’t find me by tomorrow morning: 1. They must dismiss the indictment; 2. They must concede they can’t count votes.”

Hours later, Arizona attorney general Kris Mayes quote-tweeted his post announcing authorities with the Arizona attorney general’s office had served Giuliani his subpoena.

“The final defendant was served moments ago. Nobody is above the law,” Mayes wrote. Giuliani, seemingly attempting to evade the digital smackdown, soon deleted his post. The attorney general screenshot it and posted it following her announcement Giuliani had been served.

“The agents took the opportunity to serve [Giuliani] when he was out at a friend’s nearby house as he left his birthday party,” Taylor told Rolling Stone. Ted Goodman, a spokesperson for Giuliani, confirmed to Rolling Stone that the former Mussolini of Manhattan was served and claimed, “He was unfazed and enjoyed an incredible evening with hundreds of people, from all walks of life, who love and respect him for his contributions to society.”

“It was so goddamn irritating,” an unnamed Arizona government source told Rolling Stone. “We knew he’d get served eventually, but it seemed like he was playing these games just because he felt like it.”

Giuliani is expected to appear in Arizona court Tuesday alongside 17 co-defendants. A spokesman for Mayes told AP that Giuliani is charged with felony counts of conspiracy, fraud, and forgery. Trump is listed as an unindicted co-conspirator in the case. The Arizona attorney general’s office alleges Giuliani, former Trump chief of staff Mark Meadows, Trump attorney Boris Epshteyn, and others “schemed to prevent the lawful transfer of the presidency to keep Unindicted Co-conspirator 1 in office against the will of Arizona voters.”

At the rate Giuliani’s going, he’ll be celebrating his next birthday in jail.

On Monday morning, Donald Trump appeared to undermine one of his main defenses by confirming payments to Michael Cohen that he previously claimed he knew nothing about.

Speaking before his hush-money trial, Trump told a crowd of reporters and onlookers about how a payment to his former fixer and attorney was “marked down in the book as a legal expense.”

“I had nothing to do with it. A bookkeeper put it down as a legal expense,” Trump said, before seeming to contradict himself. “This is why I’m here, because we called it a legal expense, a payment to a lawyer.”

The “we” at the end of Trump’s mini-rant would appear to contradict earlier assertions that he knew nothing about a payment made to Cohen that is at the core of the charges against the former president. While the majority of the case hinges on the falsification of business records, Trump’s legal team has used as its main defense the premise that Trump was unaware of the whole thing.

Trump is accused of paying off adult film actress Stormy Daniels to cover up their affair before the 2016 election with Cohen’s help, and the payment Trump referred to was a reimbursement to Cohen.

Trump’s legal team has claimed that the payment was a normal fee to Cohen, even though Cohen has claimed he did not have a retainer agreement while working for Trump. The former president’s confirmation of the payment to Cohen on Monday is backed up by secret recordings made by Cohen, entered into evidence early in the trial, that confirm Trump knew all about paying off Daniels. Cohen has testified that the former president was a “micromanger” whom he spoke to “every single day, and multiple times a day.”

Trump faces 34 felony counts for allegedly falsifying business records with the intent to further an underlying crime. He has pleaded not guilty to all charges.

Trump’s untailored blue suit, white shirt, and extra-long red tie have become a symbol of the former president’s first criminal trial—so much so that the sycophants vying for his favor have all adopted the same look.

On Monday, more of Trump’s allies appeared outside of the New York courthouse hosting his hush-money trial, all donning the same outfit and looking more like a small army of minions than independently minded authorities. Monday’s batch included former NYC Police Commissioner Bernie Kerik, former Georgia State Representative Vernon Jones, South Carolina Attorney General Alan Wilson, and Representative Eric Burlison—all sporting the same blue suit and red tie that is the trademark of their party’s chief.

Over the last week, dozens of the country’s biggest lawmakers and politicians have shown up outside of the criminal court to visually represent their solidarity alongside the criminally charged presidential nominee, including House Speaker Mike Johnson, former North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, and Senators Tim Scott, J.D. Vance, and Tommy Tuberville.

Biotech investor Vivek Ramaswamy, RNC co-chair Lara Trump, and Eric Trump and two Republican representatives also donned the outfit on Tuesday to film a campaign ad for the presumptive GOP presidential nominee.

But even though his surrogates have referred to Trump as a “style icon,” fashion critics don’t quite agree. Instead, they argue that Trump’s staple courtroom attire is both too heavy and too slim in all the wrong places.

“They are always a little too roomy, the sleeves a tad too long,” wrote The Washington Post’s Robin Givhan in 2015.

“For a man who is quick to tout his financial status, Trump’s style doesn’t telegraph money. It doesn’t look luxurious; it’s hardly elevated,” Givhan continued, noting that despite the quality fabrics used for Trump’s suits, a lack of detail for its tailoring makes the fits look “cheap.”

“He makes ties look sloppy.”

Trump has a long history of fashion faux pas and for making waves in all the wrong places. In 2017, the former president was caught taping his ties together in order to achieve the strange elongated look. And in a desperate bid to make some quick cash after losing his bank fraud trial in February, Trump formally entered the fashion marketplace, announcing a new line of Trump-branded sneakers—gold high-tops that retailed for $399 a pop.

But besides the orange fake tan, Trump’s hair has, arguably, been his biggest flop. Even though the wispy comb-over has been known to fly off his head, Trump won’t swap the style. In her documentary, porn star Stormy Daniels claimed Trump had odd superstitions about his unusual coif, alleging that the former reality TV star said he believed his power rested in his hair and that cutting it off or changing the style could compromise that.

On Monday morning, the International Criminal Court announced it was seeking to arrest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar, as well as other senior Israeli and Hamas leaders on of war crimes charges, as well as crimes against humanity. Joe Biden’s response is pathetic—and totally inadequate, given the larger humanitarian situation in Gaza.

“The ICC prosecutor’s application for arrest warrants against Israeli leaders is outrageous. And let me be clear: whatever this prosecutor might imply, there is no equivalence—none—between Israel and Hamas,” Biden said in a short statement. “We will always stand with Israel against threats to its security.”

Secretary of State Antony Blinken issued a longer statement also casting doubt on the legitimacy of the arrest warrants.

The United States fundamentally rejects the announcement today from the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court (ICC) that he is applying for arrest warrants for senior Israeli officials, together with warrants for Hamas terrorists. We reject the Prosecutor’s equivalence of Israel with Hamas. It is shameful. Hamas is a brutal terrorist organization that carried out the worst massacre of Jews since the Holocaust and is still holding dozens of innocent people hostage, including Americans. Moreover, the United States has been clear since well before the current conflict that that ICC has no jurisdiction over this matter. The ICC was established by its state parties as a court of limited jurisdiction. Those limits are rooted in principles of complementarity, which do not appear to have been applied here amid the Prosecutor’s rush to seek these arrest warrants rather than allowing the Israeli legal system a full and timely opportunity to proceed. In other situations, the Prosecutor deferred to national investigations and worked with states to allow them time to investigate. The Prosecutor did not afford the same opportunity to Israel, which has ongoing investigations into allegations against its personnel. There are also deeply troubling process questions. Despite not being a member of the court, Israel was prepared to cooperate with the Prosecutor. In fact, the Prosecutor himself was scheduled to visit Israel as early as next week to discuss the investigation and hear from the Israeli Government. The Prosecutor’s staff was supposed to land in Israel today to coordinate the visit. Israel was informed that they did not board their flight around the same time that the Prosecutor went on cable television to announce the charges. These and other circumstances call into question the legitimacy and credibility of this investigation. Fundamentally, this decision does nothing to help, and could jeopardize, ongoing efforts to reach a ceasefire agreement that would get hostages out and surge humanitarian assistance in, which are the goals the United States continues to pursue relentlessly.

It took the Biden administration months to call for a limited ceasefire, after months of the State Department going so far as to warn its diplomats to avoid using the word entirely, along with other calls for peace like “end to violence,” or “de-scalation.” Trying to blame the ICC for thwarting acting to hold Israel accountable and help bring an end to the disastrous assault on Gaza is laughable.

When the International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant for Russian President Vladimir Putin last year over Russia’s invasion of Ukraine Biden welcomed the news. That arrest warrant “[made] a very strong point,” Biden said at the time, adding that the Russian dictator has “clearly committed war crimes.”

The charges against Netanyahu and Israel’s Defense Minister Yoav Gallant include “causing extermination, causing starvation as a method of war, including the denial of humanitarian relief supplies, deliberately targeting civilians in conflict,” ICC prosecutor Karim Khan told CNN.

“The fact that Hamas fighters need water doesn’t justify denying water from all the civilian population of Gaza,” he added.

At least 35,000 people have been killed in Israel’s war on Gaza, the majority of them women and children. International aid agencies have warned of widespread famine and mass starvation, as well as shortages of medical supplies.

Donald Trump wants everyone to know that he did not, in fact, freeze for more than 30 seconds during his speech at the National Rifle Association convention in Dallas on Saturday.

In a Truth Social post late Sunday night, the former president claimed that reports indicating that he went silent in the middle of his remarks were false, and that he actually paused because of a musical interlude in his speech, something that he claimed is part of most of his speeches.

“The reason they came up with this Disinformation is that Biden freezes all the time, can’t put two sentences together, and can rarely find his way off the stage without help. Donald Trump doesn’t freeze!” Trump posted.

Unfortunately for Trump, the alleged freezing was caught on video, and the former president appears to awkwardly stop, and then resume while the music is still playing.

The incident was the second fumble by Trump this weekend. On Friday, speaking at the Republican Party of Minnesota’s annual Lincoln Reagan Dinner (which he left his youngest son’s graduation celebrations immediately to attend), Trump’s podium almost fell down after he appeared to lean on it too hard, causing the former president to attack the event’s workers and drawing a mocking tweet from the Biden campaign. 

Are these more examples of Trump’s cognitive decline? For the past few months, Trump has made incoherent claims, saying that there were “millions of people” who didn’t speak real languages arriving at the southern U.S. border and that he would stop banks from “debanking” Americans. He has mixed up former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley, and described his plan for America’s missile defense system by going, “Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.… Boom. OK. Missile launch. Woosh. Boom.” None of this helps Trump’s argument that he can go toe-to-toe with President Biden when debate season begins.