Donald Trump and Gwyneth Paltrow Battle for Top News Story

On Thursday evening, a wealthy blond American business mogul finally got some justice.

No, not Donald Trump.

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Trump and Paltrow duked it out in the headlines Thursday, each battling for top spot at major news outlets and on Twitter. Both were trending throughout the United States, although Trump had a slight edge.

A jury decided that Paltrow was not responsible for a 2016 ski accident with a retired Utah optometrist, awarding her $1 and legal fees. Terry Sanderson had originally sought more than $3 million from Paltrow, alleging that she crashed into him, leaving him with four broken ribs, a concussion, and lasting brain damage that affected his daily life, including his ability to taste wine. He later dropped the sum to $300,000 but still lost the case.

The Goop founder has made headlines since the start of the trial last week for her outfits and seemingly unbothered demeanor in court.

Trump was indicted by a Manhattan grand jury for his role in hush-money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels. The charges are still unknown, but he is the first former U.S. president to be criminally charged.

The two stories are obviously vastly different in terms of national importance, but the fact that they are jockeying for top billing feels pretty classic for America. News consumers love a good spectacle—see the many, many jokes made during Trump’s 2016 run, as people failed to realize he was a serious threat—as well as a chance to poke fun at the uberrich. And both these legal cases are perfect situations for both those things.

On Thursday evening, Donald Trump became the first former president to ever be criminally charged.

And while Republicans complain of a “banana republic” because an incredibly wealthy and powerful man is facing a slice of consequence for the crooked life he has led so far, most others are responding in a way that reiterates the extremely basic value of holding powerful people to account.

Here is Yusef Abdus Salaam, one of the five exonerated members of the infamous “Central Park Five” group of young boys arrested in 1989 after being falsely connected to a murder in Central Park. Trump spent his own money at the time to take out an ad in four newspapers calling for their death penalty—and refused to apologize for doing so even decades later.

And reminders of what this indictment is really about, beyond jokes, or Republicans lashing out:

Of course, some humor, to be expected on a day that welcomes the revelry reminiscent of Twitter before another incredibly wealthy and powerful man bought it.

The news that former President Donald Trump was indicted is still hot off the presses, and Republicans are already freaking out.

A Manhattan grand jury indicted Trump Thursday, making him the first former U.S. leader to be criminally charged. He was investigated for his role in hush-money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels, although the specific charges are still unknown.

Republicans are unable to contain themselves.

Representative Jim Jordan was so upset that he could only muster one word: “Outrageous.” Former Representative Madison Cawthorn branded the United States a “Banana Republic.”

Representatives Matt Gaetz and Elise Stefanik both accused Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg of leading a politically motivated “witch hunt,” a favorite term of Trump’s.

Representative Ronny Jackson, who was also Trump’s physician, went on a capital-letter-strewn Twitter tirade in which he insisted that “the hateful Deep State wants this country to BURN. Today they didn’t just indict President Trump, they attacked EVERY ONE of his supporters.”

Representative Andy Biggs said it was a case of “Trump Derangement Syndrome,” and accused the judicial system of overreach. Donald Trump Jr. called the indictment “Communist-level shit.”

Failed Republican candidates Kari Lake and Bo Hines urged people to continue supporting Donald Trump and put on as strong a show as they did last week in New York.

Republican presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy put out a prepared video statement in which he warned the indictment “will undermine public trust in our electoral system & justice system.”

Thursday’s indictment is expected to be just the first of several charges against Trump, who is at the center of other criminal investigations, including efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election and his handling of classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate.

Fox News hosts couldn’t contain their shock Thursday when they learned that former President Donald Trump had been indicted.

The hosts audibly gasped on air as their colleague read out the breaking news announcement.

Trump is now the first former president ever to be criminally charged. A Manhattan grand jury had been investigating him for his role in hush money payments to adult film star Stormy Daniels.

The grand jury voted Thursday to indict Trump. The charges are not yet known.

Donald Trump has become the first former president to ever be criminally charged.

A Manhattan grand jury voted to indict Trump on Thursday, though the charges are not yet known, The New York Times and CNN have confirmed.

The grand jury has been investigating Trump for his connection to his lawyer Michael Cohen paying hush money to porn actress Stormy Daniels.

Cohen had admitted to paying Daniels $130,000 on behalf of Trump during the final weeks of the 2016 presidential election. Cohen was aiming to silence the actress from making public that she had shared a sexual encounter in 2006 with Trump, who was married to his current spouse, Melania, by then.

Cohen had paid Daniels through a shell company; he was then reimbursed by Trump, whose company subsequently filed the reimbursements as legal expenses. The Trump lawyer also coordinated former Playboy model Karen McDougal to be paid $150,000 by the National Enquirer tabloid magazine, in order to silence her own story about an alleged affair with Trump. The Trump organization shelled out $420,000 to Michael Cohen in 2018 after he finished his tasks as a good lackey.

Through a recording Cohen took of some of the conversations surrounding the payments, Trump can be heard asking how much will be needed for “the transfer of all of that info regarding our friend, David,” in reference to David Pecker, the executive of the Enquirer’s parent company.

“What do we got to pay for this? One-fifty?” he asked.

Trump has previously denied wrongdoing, and doubled down immediately after the indictment’s announcement.

Trump, who is the leading candidate for the 2024 Republican nomination for president, still faces numerous other criminal investigations, including into efforts to overturn the 2020 presidential election and whether he and his family lied to lenders and insurers by overvaluing their assets.

This post has been updated.